Songs to Remember - V

Sometimes there is a lot that has to be said and then one feels that words are not enough to convey those sentiments that one wants to speak out - when the impotency of just the said word is enough to drive one in frustration and pain. When one is at a loss to say words to explain his stand or to prove his support to someone or to just let someone know that he / she is there for the person and all that he can say are words - Words that can only convey a monotonous meaning and the context maybe lost - Many a times it has happened with me that I have said something to someone and although I have said all that I had to say with depth, conviction and passion and intensity; still at times I have felt the hollowness of the words as if the moment the words left my tongue they have acquired a meaning of their own - a meaning that is sometimes at variance with what I wished to say.

It's only Words and Words are all I have;
To tell you what I feel for you

And then the tears flow and the face looks up at the sky with anguish and pain seared into it's consciousness!

Main Apna Fasaana Keh Naa Saka
Mere Dil Ki Tamanna Dil Mein Rahi
Lo Aaj Kinaare Par Aakar.....
Armaanon Ki Kashti Doob Gayi

It's at precisely at these moments that one takes the support of music and musical accessories and somehow things look and appear better - the mood maybe sombre, but the feelings are expressed and the heart feels a kind of peace that's not often experienced.

This is especially so, specifically when the mind is not at rest and is divided over a lot of concerns, all of them important and all of them diverse and there are times when one concern may be the exact opposite of the other. But most importantly sometimes the concern is too over-riding and may lead to a lot of inner trial and tribulation.

There is one song which always comes to my mind when my mind is grappling with such issues as may threaten to rob my heart of it's peace and comfort. This is a very new song compared to the ones that normally move my heart but this song has it's own place in my heart - a place that can not be taken by any other song. From the film Razia Sultana, which was released in the year 1982 and was at it's time one of the greatest (colossal) flops of all-time, comes a song that transcends pain, anguish and gives a transcendental meaning to the yearnings of a heart, mind and soul that's decided subconsciously but in denial on a conscious level!

The song is Aye Dil-E-Nadaan and it has been sung to an haunting perfection by the songstress of Hindi Film Music - Lata Mangeshkar!

Khayaam is I believe one of the most underrated composers of his time; despite such brilliant gems as the one in Footpath discussed elsewhere and the one that's under discussion today, he was never given the respect that was due to one of the greatest composers ever to come to Indian marquee... Listen to the way, he uses his musical instruments to create a musical and magical haunting experience where the velvety tones of the great songstress combine with the magic of the tune to export us into the deserts and arid lands of the paining heart where a heart pines for it's beloved silently and softly....

The song begins with a soft precursor of a melody that slowly builds up into a tune that's as haunting as the dark night itself and then like a soft sigh of the impassioned heart - as if the heart could not bear the silence any longer - comes forth in a spasm of uncontrollable pain - the words that define the mood....

Aye Dil-E-Naadaan, Aye Dil-E-Naadaan
Aarzoo Kya Hai? Justjoo Kya Hai?

It's like the soul asking it's own tortured heart the reasons for it's restlessness - the desires that pain him; the needs that exhaust him... it's a cry that only one who has felt that uneasiness, that pain, that frustration can understand and none other can.... none other will.....

And then as if in affirmation of this feeling of frustration and pain, the soul demands the following from the heart:

Hum Bhatakte Hain! Kyoon Bhatakte Hain?
Dasht-O-Sehraa Mein.....
Aisa Lagta Hai, Mauj Pyaasi Hai
Apne Dariyaa Mein....
Kaisi Uljhan Hai! Kyoon Ye Uljhan Hai?
Ek Saaya Sa... Ru-Ba-Ru Kya Hai?

Can the feelings of the restlessness, the feelings of the frustration get any worse than this? Can the feelings be explained in more excruciating detail than this? You have everything in this world and then still you have nothing that matters in this world - nothing at all and this is a pain that refuses to let go of your heart and tugs at your soul and all you can say is that there is nothing to say.

Your soul bears the pain of that love, that feeling hanging over you like a cross but neither can you throw it away and neither can you crucify yourself over it and till you decide what you would want to do, the pain and the anguish of this being on the fence for what seems like an eternity keeps on grinding you to the ground with it's inherent frustration of inertia

So much so that now the soul screams in agony....

Kya Qayamat Hai! Kya Musibat Hai!
Kahe Nahin Sakte, Kiskaa Armaan Hai....
Zindagi Jaise Khoyee-Khoyee Hai,
Hairaan, Hairaan Hai
Ye Zameen Chup Hai; Aasmaan Chup Hai
Phir Ye Dhadkan Si Chaar Soo Kya Hai?

There is nothing that can be said any more; the soul is in excruciating pain and it knows it. The pain of not being able to confess one's feelings, the pain of not being able to commit and the pain of not being able to be with the one to whom you commit is on the fore.... Life is now hanging in the balance and the silence of being misunderstood now gnaws at one's emotions like a rat gnawing through your body while you look at it without being able to push it off you. Think about it - can the pain be worse?

But the mind, that seat of reason and intelligence that sees everything but understands nothing; that weighs everything but knows nothing; that prices everything but knows not the value of anything still persists in forcing one's heart to look at it's pain through the prism of reason

Aye Dil-E-Nadaan, Aisi Raahon Mein,
Kitne Kaante Hain....
Aarzoo Ne Har Kisi Dil Ko
Dard Baante Hainn......
Kitne Ghaayal Hain! Kitne Bismil Hain!
Is Khudaai Mein Ek Tu Kya Hai.....???

It tries to convince the heart that the pain that one is feeling now is nothing compared to the pain that one would have to go through if one accepts and goes ahead and takes the plunge - the path of love is littered with pain and suffering and why should you think it would be any different for you, it reasons out?

It's a strong argument and many a times it enough for one to retreat but sometimes the one who retreats knows that pain will on both sides of the confrontation - whether you run or whether you fight back and sometimes love comes in it's full glory and the battle is joined - rest as they say is history! whether in defeat as defiance or in victory as vanity!

Razia Sultan too decided to defy the odds and get married to the slave she loved, Yaqud creating a story that would become a beacon for centuries to come. It's true that the queen of hearts and the slave of the queen both died at the hands of the social powers that be but it's also true that in their death was immortalized the love that could throw away a throne of a nation for the sake of one who ruled the heart!

As it says......

Aarzoo Kya Hai? Justjoo Kya Hai?