Ashwatthama's Anthem of Regret - A song of Love

Talat has a very beautiful voice... a voice that can not only touch your heart but also ring within you feelings that you never knew existed. A calm voice, a voice that has got depth but is at the same time soft, velvety, has the occasional tremble (kapish) as we call it and a sonorous quality that resonates directly with the pain in your heart.

Mohammed Rafi was the 'voice of God', a voice that could move everything on Earth, Manna De was the 'sur' personified - a mainstream singer who could sing classical with depth and ease, Kishore Kumar was the 'voice of Innocence', the voice that resonated with the hearts of men and reminded him of the inner person that he really was, not what he showed himself to be, Mukesh was sorrow in human form - no one could crunch within three minutes, the pain of a lifetime as well as Mukesh.... Hemant Kumar was romance, even the most stone-hearted of girls would fall in love with that voice .... so where among this galaxy of great singers was Talat?

Talat was the voice of conscience - he spoke directly to the heart - in the tone that the conscience understood and loved....

It's said you can run away from the world and everyone in this world, but can you run away from yourself? No! That was Talat, you could never run away from his songs .... they struck you deep within you and made your conscience question your self.... a quality used to brilliant effect by brilliant composers like Ravi in the song that I wish to discuss today....

This beautiful composition, scored by Ravi and written by Prem Dhawan was a part of a beautiful movie, Ek Saal, starring Ashok Kumar and Madhubala. Look at the beautiful words, listen to the soul-rending tune and absorb the depths of the soulful rendition by Talat. This movie was released in 1957, a year that had such strong musical albums as Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi and  Pyaasa by SD Burman(arguably the second-greatest album of all time after Guide), Mother India by Naushad, Naya Daur by OP Nayyar, Do Aankhen Barah Haath by SN Tripathi, Parvarish and Sharda by Shankar-Jaikishen and many other brilliant movies but still this song is still remembered for it's beauty.

Karte Rahe Khiza Se Hum Sauda Bahaar Ka
Badla Diya To Kya Ye Diya Unn Ke Pyaar Ka

With cruel Autumn did we bargain using the beauty of Spring
Oh! What a fitting response did we give for her love, her Caring!

Every person on Earth has to plead guilty to this charge at least once in his / her life for every person has at one time or another broken a heart - a precious heart for reasons best known to themselves.... The above couplet states that when we found love, we did not bother about it but played with it's feelings and the matter is conveyed in such a beautiful manner ....

It's here at this moment itself that Talat touches deep within our heart, asking us for answers that we cannot give, for regrets that we cannot speak, for Truth that we are desperately trying to hide.

Sab Kucch Luta Ke Hosh Me Aaye, To Kya Kiya!
Din Mein Agar Chiraag Jalaaye, To Kya Kiya!

If after losing everything we ever had, we awaken, what's the use?
If in broad daylight, to light candles, we hasten, what's the use?

What an apt metaphor for a loss of a lifetime! Talat cuts straight to the bone by chiding the feeling of regret that burns within .... the poet asks bluntly and heartlessly (and why not!) a question that one would not dare to answer...... what's the use of regretting, an event that has come to pass following your own actions.... what's the use of crying over spilt milk? .... what's the use of action that's late and useless? .... What is of paramount importance is not to regret but to be able to exorcise your demons, when you had the time and opportunity to do so....

Hum Bud-Naseeb Pyaar Ki Ruswaayee Ban Gaye
Khud Hi Laga Ke Aag Tamaashaai Ban Gaye
Daaman Se Ab Ye Shole Bujhaaye To Kya Kiya.....!

We are the unfortunate who have today became a shame to Love's lofty name 
We, the audience to the roaring flames, are the ones who put our house aflame
If now, to douse the inferno, we run... what's the use?

Can you feel the pain of someone who has strangled his love with his own bare hands, someone who loved with truth and purity and still killed his own love with his own hands.... can you feel the tears of that action or the demons that haunt him, as he keeps pondering, moving ahead, running to escape the past, but unable to do so! Like a modern Ashwathhama, cursed to forever pain and regret by Lord Krishna, this behemoth survives but is that survival worth even being called a survival.... Listen to Talat as he puts forth the pain in his soft and subtle manner across and you will find, why this 'king of ghazals' ruled the early days of Independent India - a time when pain and hurt lined the psyche of our collective conscience....

Le Le Ke Haar Phool Ki, Aayee To Thi Bahaar
Nazren Uttha Ke Humne, Dekha Na Ek Baar
Aankhon Se Ab Ye Parde Hattaye, To Kya Kiya?

With flowers and blossoms for me, had come the Innocent Spring
In my Arrogance and Pride, I did not bother to look at it's Longing
If these blinds from my eyes, I now shun .....what's the use?

In every love story, there are two characters, the one who loves (the lover) and the one who's loved (the beloved) .... the lover goes beyond every extent for the sake of the lover and the beloved keeps demanding yet more from the lover... till the final day when, the bond itself cannot handle more and breaks down.. and then there's nothing left to salvage...

Nero can play fiddle while the city of Rome burns but mind you, once the city is burnt, there is nothing that remains to play fiddle to Nero's dreams of sovereignty and kingship. This is what every beloved has to face, if it doesn't understand the depth of the Lover's emotions. .... Now look at a person's conscience who did care but was forced to forever act unconcerned, whose heart burned with the city but was forced to play fiddle as the city burnt.... where will this son of Satan find peace? There is no place on Earth or beyond for him... no redemption.... only a pain that can be understood by this song and nothing more....

This is the song, that I think speaks more lovingly about the pain of a loser more than any other song. The song was recorded in two versions, Lata Mangeshkar and Talat Mehmood. Lata as expected is brilliant in her rendition of the song, but though it touches the heart, Lata's pain does not stir your conscience.... maybe because it's not the lover's lament, but the beloved's pangs that matter in this song.... Plus, Lata was never comfortable in the higher notes and that is quite evident in her rendition - still, it's a very beautiful rendition .. that proves the versatility and greatness of the 'Nightangle of India'

One other parameter that has often escaped the gaze of the regular listener is the brilliance of Ashok Kumar... his sense of frustration, his regret, his pain, his sorrow, his hurt that oozes forth like the pus that keeps oozing forth from Ashwatthama's forehead, reminding one and all of his crime..... Ashok in his silence takes the role to another realm altogether... added to it is the second Ashok in the song ... the conscience, that with a smirk and smile conveys the shattering pain and frustration in a neutral and intense way..... this use of conscience was something very well used in the 50s and 60s to show duality of emotions (remember Raj Kapoor in Shree 420 and Dilip Kumar in Aadmi .. it was used by Dilip Kumar as a merciless voice in Bairaag in 1976... the last time, this prop was used?) .... Ashok is an added asset to the song.... one that not only adds allure but makes it possible to connect with the singer and the song and the lyricist, who could write such a beautiful piece of moving poetry.

To end, I would say, sometimes it's good to be silent and let life take it's course but sometimes, it's important not to be so.... Love is something very precious, one gets it only once in life.... it would be foolish to strangle it with one's own hands....

As for the song, for the first time ever, I am adding the song, for those who wish to listen to it..... And as for Love... it will survive, in some hearts as deep despicable hatred, in some as an innocent folly, in some as an inevitable pain and in some as the pure Love it always was, is, and shall always remain!

Songs to Remember - Dil Ke Armaan from Nikaah

Sometimes, all that can be gained from a relationship is a feeling of pain, a feeling of pain, a feeling of loss and nothing else...... What remains when not even hope remains, a heart bleeding, a mind burning and a soul blaspheming .... nothing else.... the only thing that one can do in such circumstances, is to wring one's hands in despair, bow one's head in shame and to break one's soul in regret ..... Despair for the loss, Shame for the choice and regret for one's own true love.....

Hindi Cinema has surprisingly given many a beautiful gem that have often been very successful in putting across the pain of the loss very eloquently ... Often in an auditorium, one can see many eyes damp with tears when one such song suddenly rides the air waves..... But then ... as Sahir succinctly pointed out:

Kaun Rota Hai, Kissi Aur Ki Khaatir? Ae, Dost!
Sab Ko Apni Hi Kisi Baat Pe Rona Aaya .....

(Who cries on the plight of the unknown, my friend
  Every Tear is a Story of the Pains we ourselves go through)

The other day, I was having a debate with some close friends on music in the Eighties ... the overwhelming idea is that the Eighties have been wooden compared to the golden fifties, the silver sixties and the swinging seventies .... I cannot definitely compare the eras; for the Eighties in numbers can never match even the Naughty Nineties ..... forget the three decades that predated them .... still, what they lack in both numbers and quality, they still can put a claim to some astonishingly beautiful compositions ..... yes, that may be an exception that proves the rule but it also establishes the fact that talent can never be hidden ....

As proof, today I present one of the best sad melodies of the 80's ..... (a very rare occurance on my blog) .... a song sung by the Pakistani singer, Salma Agha for an Indian movie, Nikaah, made by B R Films, released in 1982 - one of the last Hindi - Urdu movies that boasts of a score by the great Ravi

Dil Ke Armaan Aansuoon Mein Bahe Gaye
Hum Wafaa Karke Bhi Tanha Rahe Gaye

The Poet states: All Hopes of my heart have left my heart alongwith the Tears that flow from my heart. Despite all my fidelity, I have still been left all alone to fend for myself..... What pain, what frustration.....

I can feel the pain that must be the psyche of a person drawn to make a statement as sad as the above. Man lives on Hope and when Hope goes, what remains .. and what can be worse than Hope that has left with tears .... I cannot even imagine! I have been brought up to believe that Loyalty and Fidelity are always awarded but imagine a position wherein your Fidelity has failed .... despite being loyal, your love has left you for better prospects ..... then all you can say, is....

Hum Ba-Wafaa Thhey Iss Liye Nazron Se Gir Gaye,
Shaayad Unhein Talaash Kisi Be-Wafaa Ki Thi

Good Thought, but will it resolve your pain? No.... the fact remains that your loyalty has failed you and you are alone. The Poet continues:

Zindagi Ek Pyaas Bankar Rahe Gayee....
Pyaar Ke Qissey Adhurey Rahe Gaye

What a couplet..... Life has become nothing more than an unquenched Thirst of Love. Those stories of love, that were being heard so earnestly, have been left incomplete..... This is unrequited love at it's worst ... Imagine being the gardener of a garden that has beautiful blossom but was raided by locust.... Imagine looking around at the garden that was, the dreams that were and the flowers that could have been ..... Tears will flow....  And soon, you would wish you were blind!

As a Child, the thing I used to hate the most was incomplete stories, especially the ones where I would fall asleep midway ..... so, I can understand the pain of being a listener to a story that ends when it should not have.... At such times, the only thing you feel like telling the recounter is ....

Bahot Gaur Se Sun Raha Tha Zamaana,
Tum Hi So Gaye, Daastaan Kehte-Kehte ....

God forbid but it's true, unrequited love like unquenched thirst and unanswered prayers is something that one carries in his heart for ever and ever and ever. The poet continues:

Shaayad Unka Aakhri Ho Ye Sitam,
Har Sitam Ye Sochkar Hum Sahe Gaye.....

Nothing hurts more than to know that your emotions have been used, taken for a ride ...  This is the most painful feeling ever; you keep on forgiving, you keep on accepting, only to understand that the other party is too selfish and self-centred to ever understand your point. And there comes a point, where you regret, accepting the person back, the first time she walked out on you and still came back; the second time she walked out on you and still came back .... and everytime, on her terms and conditions .. while you were so enamoured of her, that you never could see the ways in which your love was being used and abused..... As the great poet, Mirza Ghalib pointed out:

Hum Ko Unn Se Wafaa Ki Hai Umeed,
Jo Nahin Jaantey Wafaa Kya Hai......

Still, a heart in love can never ever go against it's own feelings for Hope dies eternal...... The poet then finally summarizes with a beautiful couplet:

Khud Ko Bhi Hum Ne Mita Dala Magar
Faasle Jo Darmiyaan Thhey Rahe Gaye .....

I destroyed myself for the sake of my Love... Still, the Separation that was between us could not be reduced..... This is the fate of every unequal love and this will be the fate forever of every unequal love.....

Such a song in the 80's is a matter of pride for the 80's. A brilliant composition, this song proves, why you cannot take the 80s lightly..... And of course, this is also one of the few examples of Indo-Pak collaboration, which proves why Partition was indeed one of the worst things to have ever happened.

What about Love then? Well, About Love, the fact remains:

Zara Si Aahat Hoti Hai To Dil Poonchta Hai
Kahin Ye Woh To Nahin....

LOVE WILL WAIT FOREVER ......

Na Kisi Ki Aankh Ka Noor Hoon - A Song of Pain and Despair

One of the most painful moments in your life is when you come to terms with your loneliness - the time when you finally find that all those who stood by you have left you to your own fate and gone away, chasing their own stars ....

This has been the fate of men of destiny, since time immemorial and never has this fate distinguished between emperors and paupers.... Every one, of every rank and station has gone through this at times.... Only a man who has been through the pain of the ultimate loneliness can give words to the feelings of one who has been through it.... and who else can say it better than the last Mughal Emperor, Bahadur Shah Zafar II, who on paper was the Emperor of India and in reality was the pensioner of the East Indian Company....

Can one even estimate the frustration of this man, who could neither fulfil the duties of an emperor, as was expected by his loyal populace nor could he admit his loneliness or his impotence to his populace..... It was such a pain and frustration that could give rise to this ultimate anthem of despair and frustration...

Look at the lyrics - the despondency, the pain, the anguish, the frustration.... it's enough to move anyone to tears .... add to this, the soulful music of S N Tripathi (no major accompaniments) and the 'Voice of God', Mohammed Rafi and what you have is one of the greatest songs of pain ever composed in Indian Music History.... The Movie is 'Lal Qila' ....

It begins as such:

Na Kisi Ki Aankh Ka Noor Hoon
Na Kisi Ke Dil Ka Qaraar Hoon
Jo Kisi Ke Kaam Na Aa Sake
Main Woh Ek Musht-E-Ghubaar Hoon

"I am not the apple of anyone's Sight
  Nor am I any Heart's Delight
 I am the one whose worth is little,
 A handful of Dirt is my Plight"

Can one feel the pain of the words? What can drive a person to such depths of self-flagellation except the pain of being an absolute Nothing... The poet continues:

Mera Rang Roop Bigad Gaya
Mera Yaar Mujhse Bichhad Gaya
Jo Chaman Fizaa Mein Ujad Gaya
Main Ussi ki Fasl-E-Bahaar Hoon

"The Beauty of my Youthful Days has Faded
  My Love has left me alone Un-Aided
  I am the Flower of a Garden,
 That in the Spring of my Life Stands Devastated"

I am sure, everyone who has loved truly and deeply will understand the pain of these words more than i can explain......

Main Kahan Rahoon, Main Kahan Basoon
Na Ye Mujhse Khush, Na Woh Mujhse Khush
Main Zameen Ki Peeth Ka Bojh Hoon
Main Falak Ke Dil Ka Ghubaar Hoon

"Where should I go? Where should I live? Pray Tell me
 Neither here are they happy, Neither there are they happy,
 I am the Burden of the Face of the Earth
 I am the Boil on the Heart of the Sky Preety"

The frustration of the poet is self-evident .... the fact that none care for him was enough to kill him but the poet is also aware that he's not even 'wanted'... Oh! The Pain of it All!

Paye Faateha Koi Aaye Kyoon?
Koi Char Phool Chadaaye Kyoon?
Koi Aake Shamma Jalaaye Kyoon?
Main Woh Be-Qasi Ka Mazaar Hoon

"Why should one read an Elegy on my Funeral
  Why should my Shroud be covered with Rose Petal?
  I am the Tomb of my own Frustrations,
  Why should one light on this Tomb, a Candle?"

And finally, the poet questions his own funeral ... He is aware that this world is a world of contradictions - a world where the living thirst and the dead get Ganga-Jal! Tired of this world, tired of these contradictions, the poet is now requesting all his mourners to stay away from his funeral - this is the final limit of frustration.....

And one last word on his own Identity:

Na Main Kisi Ka Raqeeb Hoon,
Na Main Kisi Ka Habeeb Hoon,
Jo Bigad Gaya Woh Naseeb Hoon,
Jo Ujad Gaya Woh Dayaar Hoon

"I am not to any Fair One a Lover,
  Not am I a Threat to Another,
  I am the Fate that's Shattered,
  A Magnificent Ruin that Stands Hither "

 May no one suffer as the protagonist here.....

On Commitment - A Song

Love is an universal feeling and everyone claims to love at least once in his or her entire life .... But Love is no joke.... though everyone claims to have loved or lost, the truth is there are a few, a few lucky ones who have ever felt even the shadow of love - though it's true that those who find love are often the ones to repudiate it ..... There can be no greater sorrow than this for there are many who would die thirsting for a drop of love; while a few lucky ones carelessly spill the nectar of love on the parched earth of life for better prospects.....

There is nothing that's more challenging or difficult than love... Had Love been easy, every Tom, Dick or Harry could have stated that he/she is a lover but unfortunately Love is not something that can be easily understood or obtained ...

Mohabbat Ke Liye Kucch Khaas Dil Maqsoos Hotey Hain,
Ye Woh Naghma Hai Jo Har Saaz Pe Gaaya Nahin Jaata....

There are two facets to Love - the first is Commitment and the second is Attachment ... One without the other is useless; you commit because you feel attached.... but you do not attach because you commit - hence Commitment is the more important facet of Love - the one facet that determines Love....

And Commitment does not end even if the one you love stops loving you and leaves you in the middle of the road - alone and broken, helpless and defeated, for better prospects and better people; Commitment does not depend on Circumstances; it does not end because of undue pressure or total Frustration ....

Commitment doesn't end even if the one you love, finds solace in the arms of another, double-times you or leaves you for another .... Commitment is like a Contract that you sign with the blood of your heart and it is a contract of duties; not a contract of rights - so even if the one you love, fails to honour it, it has to be honoured - to the last breath, to the final drop and even beyond, if possible.....

This beautiful song, rendered by the great inimitable Mohammed Rafi, from the movie, Inteqaam (1969) is one of the best songs that display the side of Commitment that makes Love different from all other emotions....

If Love is God, Commitment is what makes God, God!

Jo Unn Ki Tamannaa Hai, Barbaad Ho Jaa
Tu Ae Dil Mohabbat Ki Qismat Banaa De
Tadap Aur Tadap Kar Abhi Jaan De De
Yun Marte Hain Mar Jaane Waale, Dikhaa De .......


Naa Unn Ka Tabassum, Tere Waaste Hai
Naa Tere Liye Unn Ki Zulfon Ke Saaye
Tu Be-Aas Phir Kyon Jiye Ja Raha Hai?
Jawaani Mein Ye Zindagaani Lutaa De ......


Sitam Yaa Karam Husn-Waalon Ki Marzi
Yehi Sochkar Koi Shikwaa Naa Karna;
Sitamgar Salaamat Rahe Husn Tera,
Yehi Unn Ko Mitne Se Pehle Dua De ....

After all, when we love someone, We do not expect the other one to love us the way, we want to be loved ... we simply love ... A love done on calculations of self-gratification and needs, is not love; it's a bargain and love can never be a Bargain......

May God grant me the Power to love ...... and more importantly to commit and remain true to my commitment; whatever be the cost and whatever be the limit

Songs to Remember..... XII

The most interesting thing that can ever happen is that you are somewhere in some kind of mood and then suddenly a song starts playing somewhere in the background that so much empathises with your current feelings that you cannot but stop and listen....

Today as I stood, in the lobby, thinking of my decisions that I have taken since the last few months, there was for a moment, a moment of indecisiveness - did I need to do what I have been doing? was it correct on my part to do what I was doing? how was I to suffer silently the jibes and the taunts on my failed affairs of the heart and for how long..... and for a few moments, my commitments were the only factors that stopped me from taking any action that could have proved detrimental to my ethics or commitments....

It was in one such  moment of deep despair as I kept prancing down the aisle that I managed to catch a few snatches of this beautiful Kishore Kumar song, so well-written by Anand Bakshi and so aptly composed by R D Burman..... and things became better....

The song literally talks about the simple fact that one cannot please everyone .... it clearly accepts that people will talk... we should walk.... what a song, what a depth, what pain, what anguish and still what noble thoughts.... I would not like to translate these words; let it be there for all of us to just listen and love.....

Kuchh To Log Kahenge; Logon Ka Kaam Hai Kehna
Choddo! Bekaar Ki Baaton Mein , Kaheen Beet Naa Jaaye Raina

Kuchh Reet Jagat Ki Aisi Hai; Har Ek Subah Ki Sham Huyee
Tu Kaun Hai? Tera Naam Hai Kya? Sita Bhi Yahan Badnaam Huyee!
Phir Kyoon Sansaar Ki Baaton Se, Bheeg Gaye Tere Naina ???

Hum Ko Jo Taane Dete Hain, 'Hum Khoye Hain Inn Rang Raliyon Mein'
Humne Unn Ko Bhi Chhup-Chhup Ke, Aate Dekha Inn Galiyon Mein
Ye Sach Hain Jhooti Baat Nahi, Tum Bolo Ye Sach Hain Naa?

 So true ... So apt .... A world where even Sita, that most faithful and truely commited and loyal of all women, could be faulted and doubted, what respite can we expect from this world? And why should we let the world decide our decisions? Circumstances are meant to be forced to our needs, if we fall prey to Circumstances, what difference between that dog on that street, who does not have a brain to think and thoughts to communicate and we, human beings, who have everything and still lack everything!