Na Kisi Ki Aankh Ka Noor Hoon - A Song of Pain and Despair

One of the most painful moments in your life is when you come to terms with your loneliness - the time when you finally find that all those who stood by you have left you to your own fate and gone away, chasing their own stars ....

This has been the fate of men of destiny, since time immemorial and never has this fate distinguished between emperors and paupers.... Every one, of every rank and station has gone through this at times.... Only a man who has been through the pain of the ultimate loneliness can give words to the feelings of one who has been through it.... and who else can say it better than the last Mughal Emperor, Bahadur Shah Zafar II, who on paper was the Emperor of India and in reality was the pensioner of the East Indian Company....

Can one even estimate the frustration of this man, who could neither fulfil the duties of an emperor, as was expected by his loyal populace nor could he admit his loneliness or his impotence to his populace..... It was such a pain and frustration that could give rise to this ultimate anthem of despair and frustration...

Look at the lyrics - the despondency, the pain, the anguish, the frustration.... it's enough to move anyone to tears .... add to this, the soulful music of S N Tripathi (no major accompaniments) and the 'Voice of God', Mohammed Rafi and what you have is one of the greatest songs of pain ever composed in Indian Music History.... The Movie is 'Lal Qila' ....

It begins as such:

Na Kisi Ki Aankh Ka Noor Hoon
Na Kisi Ke Dil Ka Qaraar Hoon
Jo Kisi Ke Kaam Na Aa Sake
Main Woh Ek Musht-E-Ghubaar Hoon

"I am not the apple of anyone's Sight
  Nor am I any Heart's Delight
 I am the one whose worth is little,
 A handful of Dirt is my Plight"

Can one feel the pain of the words? What can drive a person to such depths of self-flagellation except the pain of being an absolute Nothing... The poet continues:

Mera Rang Roop Bigad Gaya
Mera Yaar Mujhse Bichhad Gaya
Jo Chaman Fizaa Mein Ujad Gaya
Main Ussi ki Fasl-E-Bahaar Hoon

"The Beauty of my Youthful Days has Faded
  My Love has left me alone Un-Aided
  I am the Flower of a Garden,
 That in the Spring of my Life Stands Devastated"

I am sure, everyone who has loved truly and deeply will understand the pain of these words more than i can explain......

Main Kahan Rahoon, Main Kahan Basoon
Na Ye Mujhse Khush, Na Woh Mujhse Khush
Main Zameen Ki Peeth Ka Bojh Hoon
Main Falak Ke Dil Ka Ghubaar Hoon

"Where should I go? Where should I live? Pray Tell me
 Neither here are they happy, Neither there are they happy,
 I am the Burden of the Face of the Earth
 I am the Boil on the Heart of the Sky Preety"

The frustration of the poet is self-evident .... the fact that none care for him was enough to kill him but the poet is also aware that he's not even 'wanted'... Oh! The Pain of it All!

Paye Faateha Koi Aaye Kyoon?
Koi Char Phool Chadaaye Kyoon?
Koi Aake Shamma Jalaaye Kyoon?
Main Woh Be-Qasi Ka Mazaar Hoon

"Why should one read an Elegy on my Funeral
  Why should my Shroud be covered with Rose Petal?
  I am the Tomb of my own Frustrations,
  Why should one light on this Tomb, a Candle?"

And finally, the poet questions his own funeral ... He is aware that this world is a world of contradictions - a world where the living thirst and the dead get Ganga-Jal! Tired of this world, tired of these contradictions, the poet is now requesting all his mourners to stay away from his funeral - this is the final limit of frustration.....

And one last word on his own Identity:

Na Main Kisi Ka Raqeeb Hoon,
Na Main Kisi Ka Habeeb Hoon,
Jo Bigad Gaya Woh Naseeb Hoon,
Jo Ujad Gaya Woh Dayaar Hoon

"I am not to any Fair One a Lover,
  Not am I a Threat to Another,
  I am the Fate that's Shattered,
  A Magnificent Ruin that Stands Hither "

 May no one suffer as the protagonist here.....